When The Flappers Quit Flapping by Jesse Daniel Boone, Sept. 3, 1923

When the Flappers Quit Flapping

By JESSE DANIEL BOONE

When the flappers quit flapping

And the knockers quit rapping

And the profiteers cease to exist,

When the sinners stop sinning

And the gamblers stop winning,

We’ll emerge from the clouds and the mist.

When we have no bootleggers

And many less beggars

To add to humanity’s woes,

We’ll be tickled all over

And roll in tall clover,

But when, oh! when? nobody knows.

When there isn’t a growler

Or calamity howler

To mess up the beautiful world,

We’ll have the “wig-wags”

To hoist all the flags

And have all the colors unfurled.

When the guilty confesses

And men wear the dresses

And children quit bossing the ranch,

We’ll call the world glorious

And hail it victorious

And the good Ship of State will be stanch.

When prices come lower

And autos run slower,

And Waynesville folks all go to church,

We’ll write you a letter

Of things growing better

And how we got out of the lurch.

When oil sharks are through

And married folks true

And neighbors will envy not,

Millennium will be near

And we’ll have little fear

Of the place they tell us is hot.

When a thin soda cracker

Or a chew of tobacco

Or a thin, sleazy, cheap pair of hose

Will cost just their worth,

We’ll love this old earth

And we’ll lessen our troubles and woes.

From the front page of The Carolina Mountaineer and Waynesville Courier, Monday, Sept. 3, 1923